Progress, Evolution & Perspective

I frequently see posts on Facebook or articles out there about “the right way” to parent. Guidance is the friendly way to define these tidbits. Guidance is always helpful. I appreciate so much the guidance I’ve received in my life. But I find some of the guidance out there seems to come with a grain of judgment. It’s as if I’m not doing it right if I don’t take the guidance. And when I say “I”, I really mean “we.” I have a bone to pick with this guidance. I have a bone to pick because I truly don’t think there’s one right way. I truly think everyone ought to do it the way that works best for them.

Most of my friends and family know I have a few things I am stubborn about when it comes to raising our kids: 1) I do everything within reason to give them balanced organic meals full of vitamins and the right fuel for their bodies, and 2) I do everything within reason to keep them away from screens. These are “my things.” And every parent has their things, things that are highest priority that they don’t waiver on when possible. I know some parents prioritize manners. I know some parents prioritize sleep training. I know some parents never raise their voices at their kids. I obviously value those as well, but they’re not “my things.” And that should be okay. I shouldn’t feel guilty about that and if you give your kids fish sticks and french fries and stick an iPad in front of them at dinner you shouldn’t feel guilty either. We’re all just operating under what we value to be the most important things for us and our families and sometimes the most valuable thing for our families is some sanity for ourselves…can I get an amen?

It probably sounds so cliche but I really do wish there was less guidance in the world and more understanding. We should all feel comfortable sharing our learnings, but we should all feel comfortable taking in other people’s learnings. No one person knows everything, except for maybe Gandhi and Oprah. Lord knows I’m not perfect when it comes to these things, but I am working and striving toward it.

Anyway, I’ll get off my soapbox now and spend a few moments focusing on the progress of my peanuts. Piper, oh where to start with Piper. Piper is such a little wild child. She goes and goes and goes until she absolutely stops. She climbs up everything – in fact, today when I picked her up from school she was literally climbing up the baby gate. I’m pretty sure if I wouldn’t have grabbed her off it she would have made it over. She also loves to climb up all the bars to the top of the jungle gym platform at school. She’s visibly proud of herself whenever she accomplishes anything or gets something she wants. She’s getting her lower molars in and tonight at dinner she kept saying “ice.” Whenever she would say it I took a piece of ice out of my ice water and gave it to her, to which she replied with a larger than life smile and bounced up and down. Speaking of up and down, her new favorite thing is to stand up while yelling “up,” and then squat down while yelling “down.”

Her sister then joins in and they both go up and down together. Piper recently learned how to “kiss” and she is blowing kisses all the time. Brian says it’s because she likes the sound it makes. I also think she just really loves to be hugged and kissed. When I kiss her it makes her so happy and content it’s amazing. She doesn’t want to get in her car seat, really ever, so I just hug her and kiss her pretty much nonstop for a little bit and she seems to calm down enough for me to buckle her in. The most innocent and beautiful thing is to see how Ellie interacts with her now. When Piper makes the kissing face, Ellie blows her kisses and when they’re close enough to make contact they actually kiss. It’s so sweet and pure. It’s also great to see them play together so much. Now that Ellie’s in a different class with older kids it seems like she’s maturing exponentially. It’s hard for me to believe Ellie’s going to be 3 years old in less than a week. I remember when she was born it felt like 3 was an eternity. It’s funny how kids change so much so quickly and it’s also funny how they change us so quickly. Here are a few pics of the girls and their silliness.

With her water bottle from Santa that Ellie has now bogarted.

With her water bottle from Santa that Ellie has now bogarted.

She loves her giant teddy bear!

She loves her giant teddy bear!

Vroom

To a baby at school, Harper

Ellie Reading to a baby at school, Harper

Ellie's first day of "skiing" was mostly composed of eating snow

Ellie’s first day of “skiing” was mostly composed of eating snow

She can't resist climbing into our bed at night and I can't resist taking a picture I'm sure she'll despise when she gets older:)

She can’t resist climbing into our bed at night and I can’t resist taking a picture I’m sure she’ll despise when she gets older:)

Going back to Work is Comedy

So this was my third week back at work since having my little Miss Piper bug. I miss her so, but I am definitely pleased with her care arrangement and know she’s in amazing hands, albeit not as amazing as mine! Being at work these weeks has some pretty funny thoughts going through my head, none of which I allow to come out of my mouth, all of which I am happy to share with any curious readers.

Because I’ve been a mom now for over two years, or approximately 6.25% of my life, I’ve started to forget what reality was like prior to having children. I was in a meeting my first day back with a childless single individual and he asked me how things are going being back at work. I told him “I miss my girls so much, but honestly being back at work is a bit of a break compared to the work of being a full time mom.” He looked at me perplexed and said “Why?” In my head I wanted to laugh as hard as I could. And then I remembered I used to be clueless about these types of things too. I always had respect for full time moms and working moms, but I didn’t really KNOW what their life was like. I would never have really thought it was the hardest job in the world. So rather than laugh in his face, I simply said “Being a full time mom is the hardest work ever. There is a human being that cannot leave you for a moment and you never get a break. Even when they sleep there is a lengthy list of things to do and you’re always on their clock.”  Enough said because just like my former self, he probably won’t get it until he has kids.

The other comedic thoughts that run through my head relate to the “mother’s room.” Although these thoughts do not get graphic, if conversations about nursing and pumping gross you out, please stop reading now.  When I returned to work, the first thing on my agenda was to find the Mother’s Room.

Step 1: Find the physical location of the Mother’s Room: check.

Step 2: Try to use the Mother’s Room: UNcheck.

Why is there a lock on the Mother’s Room? How do I obtain a key? So I start asking around. I instant message a mom co-worker: how do I get into the Mother’s Room?!?!

I ask a friend of mine with kids; he’s clueless.

So I go to the handy dandy intranet and find this: “a key to the Mother’s Room must be obtained 10 days in advance.” What?!?! Sorry I’m not better at planning, but the last thing on my mind ten days before I returned to work is how I was going to get access to the room to make bottles for my bug. So I email the alias, apologize for the urgency of the matter, but request a key as quickly as possible because at this point I feel like I just might explode. Luckily the very helpful person on the other end of my email had a key I could pick up right away.

The rooms at my work are really quite nice. There are nice magazines, pictures of fellow employees babies, napkins, permanant markers, a fridge, really everything a gal could need. But I can’t help but think these thoughts in my head:

  1. On my way to the Mother’s Room: “I hope no one knows what this super attractive tote is I’m carrying, but I’m sure everyone does. I especially hope the device inside doesn’t randomly turn on at my desk or as I’m walking to the Mothers Room – I’m pretty sure I would turn bright red and likely spill the entire contents of the bag trying to find the device to turn it off!”
  2. As I walk into or out of the Mothers Room: “I hope no one sees me going in or coming out of this room and if they do I hope they don’t think about what I’m going in there to do. But they probably will think about it…I would. Oh well, gotta do what ya gotta do.”
  3. As I am in the Mothers Room doing my business: “I hope no one can hear what I’m doing in here, but I’m sure they can. I can hear other people when they’re in here. And I hope no one can see through these attractive mini-blinds.”
  4. As I’m leaving the Mothers Room: “Do I have all my clothes on?!?! How embarrassing would it be to accidentally open the door without my shirt on?!?! Or what if I dropped my milk between the Mothers Room and the freezer – that would be mortifying!”

All in all, going back to work is extremely difficult. But I also have the perspective that I’m pretty lucky to have a great job, an understanding boss and a realistic workload. It’s really not fair for me to complain when I was fortunate enough to take four months off and at least I have a job, right? There are lots of people in this world that have more to complain about, so I try to keep my eye on the positives and snuggle with my little munchkins as much as possible during the time I have with them.

18 months old and 33 weeks pregnant

I have to say this is my favorite age so far. I guess ever since Ellie hit about 14 months it’s just been so fun. If I weren’t 33 weeks pregnant (see below), I think I would love it even more because I could be more active with Ellie, but that will come in a few months.  This pregnancy really has just flown by, but I’m hoping we can savor the last 7 weeks and really focus on relaxing and getting ready to welcome our second little girl into the world. 

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We’re planning a home birth, just like last time hopefully. Our midwife lives in Ballard, so it will be a little more of a trek to get to our new Issaquah locale, but hopefully she will make it out before the baby is ready to come out…or not; I might be okay with that too!  It’s funny to hear people respond when I tell them I’m having a home birth. I don’t offer it up to many people because they usually look at me like I’m from another planet, but occasionally it comes up in conversation.  Brian found this awesome clip from Jim Gaffigan, whose wife also had home births for their four kids and I thought it was just so hilarious I had to share it.

I can’t help but laugh every time I watch this clip! 

Every time Brian and I go on a vacation, we come back with some revelation, which is partly why we love traveling so much. Seeing a new part of the world and taking time away from “the hustle and bustle” allows us to reflect and look at our lives with a new perspective. For me this vacation really brought me back to a place of gratitude. I’m not going to lie, the past year and a half has been really difficult. It’s also been incredible and fulfilling and amazing and wonderful and yada yada, but challenging and difficult at the same time. The acclimation to parenting is not easy, at least for us, but I’d like to say at the end of the day we’re happy with the job we’re doing and we feel like we’re good parents. Spending a week away from Ellie made my heart ache a ton and it was so nice to come home to such a happy baby who had been so well taken care of while we were gone.

Ellie’s vocab the last few weeks has just skyrocketed and the other revelation we came to while we were on vacation is that we’d really like to get her into an environment where she’s learning, playing and socializing as much as she’d like. We started talking to other parents and people in the community who have knowledge about our options and decided to investigate Issaquah Montessori. Brian visited first and fell in love. He was so ecstatic I knew it was going to be the place for us. Ellie started her integration on Monday. A lot of the kids have trouble when they start school because it’s an unfamiliar environment. They sometimes cry a bit when they arrive because they miss their mommy. Ellie on the other hand, cries when she has to leave! That makes me feel really good about her experience there for sure. Here is a pic of her on her first day (yes, our front door is heinous) and then with one of her classmates outside “mowing the lawn.”

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At Montessori, they teach her how to eat properly without throwing food on the floor, how to wash her hands, change her shoes to go outside, etc. Her teacher also told us that she can potty train her for us, which I’m ecstatic about. I don’t know how much training Ellie is going to require though really. She says “poopy” when she has to go potty (even if it’s not a poopy) and then we take her to her toilet and she goes potty. It’s so wonderful; we feel a little spoiled – and A LOT grateful!

Other than that, it’s just been the usual obsession with Max (see below), running around like a wild girl, riding her giraffe (see video below), drawing, playing outside, etc. Too much fun for sure!

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Learning and Growing

Those are definitely the two things that have been going on for the past month or so, both by Ellie and for us as parents. When I was pregnant I spent so much time doing research to find out what was the best thing for my unborn child, but I didn’t spend quite as much time learning about what to do after she was born. I bought the What to Expect the First Year book, which was helpful for the first four and a half months I was home from work. I would read each section while Ellie napped and inform Brian of everything I read when he got home.

After going back to work though, we really haven’t spent much time reading about the development of our baby girl, outside of the Brain Rules for Baby book (which is absolutely fantastic by the way). Thank goodness for our PEPS group. When we go to dinners with them on Mondays, we absorb all the little things that come up. Last week we learned that babies really can’t understand the word “no” until they’re about 2 and a half years old. There were several books that were recommended to us. Here are a few:

  1. Positive Discipline
  2. Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition) (Maranatha Novels)(I think this is the right one)
  3. Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

As far as Ellie’s learning and growing goes, it seems like there is something new she’s doing every day. She walked up our two back stairs the other day instead of crawling! We’re certain she said “turtle” in the bath and “do it again” to me. She is smiling non-stop; it’s really quite contagious. She’s eating so well and loving all types of things. My only concern and priority as far as that goes is getting her a lot of vegetables every day. She babbles all day long and it’s just so adorable.

I know I’m gloating, but it’s just so exciting and I know every parent shares in that excitement as we all watch our little ones transform into more mature human beings. A couple of our friends came over the other night and we were talking about contrast and perspective. Being parents poses an interesting contrast. It’s challenging and every day there are new things to learn, but in the very same moment we experience the most profound pride and joy.

Here are a few pics of our pride and joy from Easter weekend:ImageImageImage